Dreamy nights

From: Megan Feenstrawall
Sent: 20 January 2009 08:41
To: 'jjfw'
Subject: Last night

Last night, I dreamed that you caught a small shark in our living room with a bin liner. Of course, then you turned into the shark, but by then it was a tiger.

-meg

.......

I assume that all people dream. I assume that all people have as strange and imaginative dreams as I do, as vivid and as real. I assume they simply forget them somewhere in that space just above a newly vacated pillow, where reality flutters between memory and awareness and watery thoughts slip through our brains' sleepy grasp.

My dreams slip away somewhere between the bed and the shower. Sometimes I can keep them with me, in words, moments, or colors, all the way until the first blast of steamy water washes them out of my head and down the drain along with the smell of my slumber. If I am lucky, I will retain a feeling or a shape. Colors, textures, sizes, scenes, these help me remember the dream as a general whole while I repeat lists of words, events and plot lines in my head- as if I were studying for an unusually tricky exam- until I can commit them to paper. I've been doing this recently, out of curiosity mostly, and also because in one week I dreamed in split screen and that I ate a human brain. The first was fascinating, but that second one was so real that it left me sick to my stomach all morning. I thought it needed recording, and I haven't been able to stop myself since.

Read the rest...
Sometimes the remembering of one dream will lead me to another, an old dream or a new one or not a dream at all. Sometimes I cannot decipher whether the new memory is imagined or borrowed, dreamed or reality. This is the stuff deja vu is made of. I've had unusual and remembered dreams since I was a child, yet I identify with those who tune out when others share their dreams. They're rarely interesting to anyone but the storyteller.

And yet.

That email I sent to Josh a few months ago inspired me, with a bit of prodding, to share snippets of some of the stranger ones. This is perhaps the longest thing I've ever posted. Yes, there are actually a lot more. And, no, I don’t really expect you to read them all. Just a nice diversion if you need it. Also, you might show up once or twice! (If you don’t, ask me; I edited for privacy.)

Again, feel free to skip this post if it's just not your thing. I certainly won't hold it against you (at least not while I'm awake...).

..............


26 February 2008: SPLIT SCREEN TIGER
Split screen dream divided down the middle into two scenes like on the TV program 24. One side shows co-worker W and some others being chased up a tree by a tiger in the middle of a dry African prairie. We were trying to tell them not to get down yet because a similar thing had happened not so long ago and ended badly. They wait until the tiger is away and then scramble down onto the top of their army-green jeep, which is parked under the tree, and drive away. Other side- same thing has happened but the guys (possibly the same people, more likely two other men) get down too soon and the tiger must have been waiting and watching the whole time because all you see is a trail of blood leading from the tree along the reddish dirt to a gully where there are two mangled bodies of people who had gotten out of the tree too soon. [I had not seen, heard, or read anything about wild cats or Africa in months. It may have been lions not tigers. Only time I've dreamed in split screen.]

1? March 2008: YUMMY, YUMMY, CANNIBALISM
I eat human flesh. I am in my mom's new kitchen standing at the sink with the base cabinet door open to where the garbage can is. I am holding a skull in one hand and there is a thin layer of squishy, whitish stuff that is not smooth but faintly bumpy in texture between the skin and the skull. Not brain, but something on the outside of the skull- a thin layer of about 1/4 inch. I eat some and we are discussing where to put the skull- the garbage can or the garbage that becomes compost. [In real life, I felt sick that whole morning after waking up and remembering this.]

27? March 2008: PERIOD DRAMA
First ever period dream. I am hair dresser to Kate Winslet and dressed in Victorian garb, dress and bonnet and all. Only then I am not just dressed in Victorian garb, I am alive in Victorian days, and I am not just Kate Winslet’s hairdresser, but a lady’s maid. There’s something about the driver as well. That’s all I remember.

July and August: ROUND ABOUT ROAD TRIP
We decide to take a road trip to Alaska via Ohio and Lake Michigan and Maine [!!!]. I can follow the trip as I go, as if I am both in the car and looking at a map simultaneously, even though the map is of adjacencies that don’t exist in real life. We are travelling and camping in a motor home. We make it to Ketchikan. At one point, it is terribly hilly, and there is a terrible flood, and we all almost drown. There’s also a tough decision about whether to try to make it all the way to the tip of the peninsula- the end of the road/land in Alaska. ?? This was a very vivid and colourful dream, full of excitement and contentment, but that’s all I can remember now.

17 July 2008 12:52: LET ME PREDICT THE SEX OF YOUR BABY
Hey Mel-
I just wanted to tell you that I had a really long dream with you and J last night. It was so strange! You were visiting us in the UK, but it was very India-like, dirty and hot and you had to catch a train to Bangalore that was all written in Hindi (which, ironically, they don't even speak in that part of India). We made reservations at a fairly expensive restaurant for your last night, and the food was horrible (you took a bite and refused to finish it) and the service awful... but we were all like, well, that's just restaurants in NE England for you. It was so strange! Also, your baby was going to be a girl in my dream!

[Her baby turned out to be a girl in real life.]

20 October 2008: SYMPHONY TRYOUTS AND PINK TROUSERS
Sitting in the back row of the symphony try-outs. We’d been invited somehow. Not enough chairs, so we had to take some from the people there to watch- it was an open rehearsal thing. Had to go get uniforms from the closets on the walls, but we had trouble finding the right sizes. One large middle aged man was changing right there on stage and he put on bright pink pinstriped trousers and a purple suitcoat type jacket and that was our uniform. He looked like he was in the circus. Probably a good thing to distract the audience since we never played once, but I had two flutes and co-worker M a clarinet, I think. Josh was in percussion, I think.

We also later on a bus and co-worker D and I had a conversation about how the Vietnamese view and watch United States presidential election debates...

28 October: GLACIERS
We are kayaking by glaciers.

3 December 2008: REPTILE FIGHT
We are on some sort of safari type thing, wading in knee deep water. Maybe, might have been on boats. But we saw the two biggest reptiles in that country (africa?) fighting. One looked like the underside of an alligator with white/creamish scales and huge thick body. The other was snake like, but still big and amphibious with legs. [I think they looked like a story that was in the news lately- a python ate an alligator in the Everglades last year and ended up killing itself, too. They found them both in the water, half exploded and no one could figure out exactly what had happened.] I was holding a friend’s baby, I think, so I said I should really get back since we were out in the open and really in danger. So we went back and into a chain linked fence area, only there were reptiles in there, too. We eventually went to this guest house...

5 December 2008: BOUNCY SHOES AND AN OHIO ADVENTURE
We were on a road trip of sorts. I think it was a youth convention. Not sure who all was there. There were these shoes you could put on outside of your own shoes, like those old fisherprice roller skates, only these had something like a rubber ball on the bottom of each of them, so that if you got it right, you could bounce along, hopping from one foot to the other. Everyone was falling over trying to do it, but I put them on and laced them up tight (ok, so not quite like the roller skates), and everyone said to put them on looser in case I fell over. But I didn't and went hopping away, much to everyone and my own surprise. Then we were packing up to go home...

We headed out but the rental company only had a pickup truck. I was driving with a boy M from elementary school and another girl R from elementary school... She was driving and then we stopped at a diner to eat. We had to keep moving because we were driving from somewhere out west and needed to get back all the way to Michigan. We also had to start the truck on a hill for some reason. Then M was driving and I got out with roller skates (not roller blades) on to drag behind the truck or somehow roller skate but keep up with it. But I let go and the truck took one fork in the road and I ended up on the other.

Since were heading to the next major highway, I figured I could meet them at the on-ramp, so I kept going. It was cornfields and flat. I met two gay guys on bikes and I caught up with them and asked for directions, saying we were driving from California to Michigan... They gave me all these convoluted directions, also saying we had to go through Columbus, which meant we were in Ohio. I was relieved since it meant we were closer to Michigan than I thought, which is odd, since you wouldn't drive through Ohio coming from California. Anyway, I barely kept up with them and followed them and got to an alleyway between buildings. They went into this old building that looked like an art gallery inside and I started to follow them in, when a man with a HUGE tiger on a leash walked out of one room and into another and they all chastised him because I might have seen the tiger. Which I did.

I went back out and to my left was a cool old abandoned building with nice mixtures of blues and oranges I thought Josh and I might enjoy photographing and back behind me to my left a petrol station. I kept going forward and left of the gallery next to the abandoned building and down a steep hill where the road I was on dead ended perpendicular to a much larger road [reading this now, it makes no sense, except I can still picture it]. As the road went down, a concrete wall to the right stayed at the same height, so at the bottom, it was about chest height. Sitting on the corner of it next to overgrown grass were a pile of photographs in their paper envelopes- probably 4-5 rolls of developed film. I took them and saw that they were ours and as I did, the truck came past me from the right to the left. I ran up and Josh was driving... I got out my cell phone so I could ask my parents if they could start driving south and meet us. We needed our plane tickets back to England, but they were at their house. The flight left from Chicago, so it would mean driving all the way up and then back down again, seeing that we were still in Ohio [??], making us miss our plane. I don't remember ever placing the call before waking up.

8 December 2008: DOLPHINS IN THE WEST WING
I was working at the White House but hadn't showered yet. I found an extra bedroom that was decorated in a nice 80's pastel decor and started to take a shower in the attached bathroom. Apparently I was in the residence, not the working part of the White House, and C.J. Craig, the press secretary in the tv show West Wing, came to tell me something. I wrapped a towel around me and noticed that right outside the window was a small lap pool, about the size of those that mechanically send the water through so that an olympic swimmer can train by just swimming in place. Only this one had a dolphin in it. There was another behind it with a second dolphin. Who knew the president had dolphins? The pools were quite tiny, but apparently they were just holding the dolphins temporarily, and one end of the pools could open to let them out into a large aquarium.

I commented on them to CJ and we ended up walking outside, climbing through the windows that flanked the shower on two sides, and she showed me that on the other side of the pools there were large, gold-clad, elaborately decorated thrones from the 1700's. The chairs were actually on long sticks, so that 4-8 men could carry the person on the throne on their shoulders. There were a few other ones, too. I expressed surprise that the president of the United States would ever have used such royal-looking items, and CJ said, yeah, not many people know about it. Strange, huh? We walked back towards the bathroom shower and Jed Bartlett, the president on the same tv show, West Wing, came out, a little confused and offended that I would shower in the residence. He didn't seem to really mind, though, once CJ introduced me.

15 December 2008: CAR ACCIDENT
I was driving to meet my parents and a group of people somewhere, and the only vehicle available was the old turquoise blue minivan, the one with the constantly reclining passenger seat and nothing in the back [to make room for flower transportation], the one that smells like dirt. I groaned, but took it anyway. I hated it because the brakes were really bad. I would push them all the way down, but it would make no difference. I also think the dash was somehow in the way of my knee, making it even harder. I figured I’d have to use some combination of downshifting and standing on the brake. [even though it’s an automatic]

I was driving in the right hand lane of a very busy divided road, similar to Chicago Drive by the Brummels furniture store, when a girl came flying through the first lane of traffic, which was headed the same direction as mine, and out right in front of me. She skidded and slid over sideways, landing in a bloody heap in the middle of the lane. I panicked and slammed on my brakes, knowing they wouldn’t work well and fearing I wouldn’t be able to stop before I got to her. Luckily, there was just enough room on the grassy shoulder to my right between the road and a metal traffic barrier to slide to a stop over there. Somehow by the time I stopped, I was on the outside of the metal traffic barrier with a very steep grassy hill next to me. I was worried about leaving the car at such a tilt, but I needed to get back to the girl to make sure no one else hit her.

I ran back down the road and another woman had stopped behind the girl, somewhat blocking traffic. We ran out and helped get the girl out of the middle of the road as her only injuries appeared to be to her legs. One foot was mangled and bloody and the other was scratched. She appeared to be about 12 and was sheepish about having tried to cross such a busy road. We called an ambulance, and while waiting, the other woman, a 30-something west Michigan mom with a white sweatshirt on, told me to go check my car since I’d left the door wide open.

I went back and either the hill had gotten steeper or the car had slid some, but now it was practically sideways, the hill was so steep. I shut the drivers’ side door [which was on the left like a typical American car, so apparently I haven’t driven enough here in England to dream of left side driving], but didn’t know what to do. The hill was so steep, there was no way I was getting in it, much less be able to drive it off the hill- it would fall down into the lake that had appeared at the bottom of the steep slope. Watching this from lawnchairs up at the top of the hill and a few feet further down the road were some of the Nyenhuis kids and a few of their 20-something friends. They were laughing and saying there was definitely no way to save it... at least it was old.

3 January 2009: GREEN
Archeology, caves, green, nyenhuises and my family, motion detector lights, ruins covered in moss and grass, skiing.

January: SQUARE
Square in Turkey or Eastern Europe, Prague maybe? Dad and Mom are there or we’ve just met them there. Can see the image of it, although I can’t remember much else.

10 January: BOWLING BALLS
Bowling with co-workers

13 January: EMPLOYEE DISCOUNT
I am an Express clothing store employee somehow- it’s somewhat temporary, like I just moved to the area and only for a short time. There’s a huge line coming out of the office ‘showroom’ (of sorts), and I was told it was for an employee sale/discount on clothing/merchandise [similar to TV show Ugly Betty?]. ... It is an employee sale, but not for store merchandise. It was a form to fill out that looked like it came from the back of a bread bag- wrinkled thin printed plastic- and it was for things like sub sandwiches like a middle school band fundraiser. Annoyed. Almost ordered a dozen sandwiches for the low teens in dollars. Talked to a nice woman who said the shoe/boot sale was the day before, she’d missed it too, and I should talk to the person in charge of the employee sales about leaving the company (it was apparently my last day?) and not getting in on any of their sales. The woman was standing there with another exec, cream room, like a bad accountant’s waiting room, maybe. I explain I am architect, side job, no sales. The woman looked sympathetic but then said no.


14 January: DISAPPEARING AIRS (the only self-titled dream)
... Then we were in a bedroom- our bedroom? There were flies all over in the air, tiny little flies. Then someone spread a bunch of little seeds on the white bed spread and the flies flew to that. Josh and my dad were there.

Then we were in the car and my friend T was there with her parents, I think, and still Dad and Josh. And then there's something having to do with graduation or homecoming or some big event like that and she made a comment about sleeping with her boyfriend, that she would do it that night, which I thought was odd to say with her parents being there. Then she said something about it being the 6th time... and her parents were ok with that. It was really weird. Then we were on a terraced city street and T's sister L was there too. We had gotten out of the car and were standing in front of a store that sold odd old things like books and toy boxes and something with the word 'butt' on it. Then we were walking down the street like in Wizard of Oz with our elbows linked and skipping. Their sister J showed up and told us about working at a ski resort and being bored.

Then there was something about being back at my parents. There were people in the basement, some sort of wedding celebration... Then the people were gone and I was standing at the counter and Josh and Jennie were on the couch and T's dad came in and came behind me and started talking... he was upset about what T had said earlier. He then stuck his hands in my hoodie sweatshirt pockets and moved his hands over my boobs! I was horrified and yelled, Josh, hit him. Then my mom appeared and wanted to call the police, but we all knew it was because he was upset. And it actually wasn’t too big of a deal in the end.

Then I somehow, literally, skipped ahead a few pages (!) and T’s dad has left. Josh has a good excuse (for him?) and Jennie and I agree that it's a very creative, clever excuse and so I tell my mom Josh's excuse is called "Disappearing Airs”. I wake up with Disappearing Airs in my head as the name of the dream, the name of the very clever excuse. Only I am not entirely sure what the excuse is for anymore.

17 January: MICHIGAN TO ISTANBUL VIA TRAIN
We were taking the train from Michigan to Turkey on a business trip, so the train was heading south to Istanbul through Mexico, about 36 hours total. [!!] We had seats, but not a berth even though it was overnight. But our seats folded down. I got on separately from Josh because Matt was with Josh and Mom was talking to me. Mom went to go get something and the train pulled in. It barely stopped so I had to leave without saying goodbye. But then I almost freaked out because I didn't have the tickets or passports. Ends up Josh had gotten on too, though. He was making a very loud fuss because he couldn't find me, so I heard him and went up to the "cockpit" to tell them. Still ended up getting off the train early for some reason and then having to fly.

19 January: FIGHTING CACTI AND CREEKSIDE BOAT LAUNCHES
... Then we were on a boat going scuba diving. The boat’s front scooped under the water and began to sink. Then it came back afloat but I was still underwater. There was a huge shark, hammerhead, below me. Then I lost my diving "buddy" and came up. We then moved to a submarine like space full of foreigners and a Serbian thought they had the best diving in her country.

Then I was at a big conference room with lots of people and tables at the end with plants on them. There were cactus and one of them got bigger and leaned over the edge and started fighting with one on the floor. The one on the floor was actually a snake- and then both of them ended up being vipers fighting so people cleared out of the room. [yes, the cactus started fighting.]

I was outside and it looked a lot like the area by the grill at my parents' house. I was there with high school friends, and there was a big display case with dried stuff in little plastic bags- mostly tea and tobacco. They were talking about an dance party or something... We walked out past the garden to the barn where they were fixing it [which they are in real life]... There was also a huge addition to the South that had a smaller place inside it, maybe for a cash register, with an onion dome top. There was an office over the chicken coop and a playroom over that full of stuffed animals. We were walking back and I mentioned that the addition went right over the creek. Dad mentioned that maybe it wasn't the best place but he'd wanted to maybe keep sailboats in the creek and he'd need a boat launch. [yeah, the creek’s not very big.]

20 January: JOSH, THE TIGER, ER, UM, SHARK
I'm taking a shower in a highrise on the 30-something floor with a fantastic view of the beach. Then I am making a watery mess because the bathroom is so small. Then the building sinks and I am actually on the first floor and people can see in, which stinks because I usually liked to get out of the shower and walk into the living room naked in this particular apartment.

Then I am out of the shower, and there is an animal inside between the table and the fireplace in our Durham living room except that it's still the same building and near the beach. Josh catches the animal with a bin liner (plastic bag) and it's a small shark. Then it's not really a shark, and it's sort of a mangy dog, but it's very catlike. It scratches the 18 year old or so boy who's there, an intern of some sort. It ends up it's an old tiger that was used for photos (prom or graduation or something) at the local high school, somewhere near the beach. Then it's at the top of the stairs and Jennie is hugging it in the bin liner to keep it from getting out, and it's actually Josh. But it's still a tiger, too. [This is one of the weirdest ones in a long time.]

21 January: CHRISTMAS WITH THE DECEASED
... Then we are biking there or somewhere through busy streets and we are home and it's Christmas. We find out Grandpa and Grandma Artz are coming. [Strange since they passed away over 15 years ago.] We don't have gifts for them and Mom and I are frantically looking for something. Grandma is ill and uses a walker although we haven't seen her yet in the dream. Some Feenstras show up, and I realize it's a party for both sides. Move stuff off my old bed so that I could sleep on it that night. The bed is in my bedroom on an angle. I wonder if I should call Josh. We didn't realize so many relatives were going to be there, and he'd genuinely want to be there if he had known.

22 January: OUR LANDLORD
We are sitting at a table of older Brits. They are telling us about something or someone. We mention, yes, we know about that because we live with Prof. G. ‘Oh!’ they say... Most of them know him. One woman turns to the man next to her to try to describe our landlord. "He's..." she says. "Bumbling," I say! She laughs. ‘Exactly.’

23 January: MY MOM, THE PYROMANIAC
We are in my mom's kitchen. There is a refrigerator under the counter, very much like how they are here in England quite often. It's right next to a white plastic bin under the countertop. It's full of garbage and Mom lights a match and starts it on fire. She says they have no garbage pick up, so they were told to do this once a week instead... inside! The doorbell rings and it is "Irene" at the door. Irene actually looks a lot like Josh's Aunt Dorothy and she walks in with an older woman from my parents' church. They have come to ask for our Thanksgiving leftovers. My mom says no, as she quite likes leftovers from big meals. In fact, she says, the ones in our fridge now are leftovers from the Nyenhuises!

24 January 2009: ELEPHANTS
I work at an elephant preserve. The elephants like to be entertained. It's muddy and wet. Beth's kids are here, and we have to spend time with them... one at a time, I think, rather than all at once.

25 January: REPETITION
I was doing something again and again. Taking something across space, moving something maybe. But there were different ways of doing it and I am trying them all. And it's round with swirls of color. But a thick cylinder, not a sphere, in 3 dimensions, like a thick lollipop or an oversized clay bead maybe a foot in diameter. But that's not the thing I am moving, it is the dream itself. That's the shape and color of the dream. I can almost, but not quite, remember it all.

27 January 2009: SQUARE
The dream has lots of squares. Perhaps related to all the drawings I've been doing at work.

28 January: THE ISLAND
We have to go to the airport, but we are in a city that is on an island. You can go out across the island and then go the long way around the island, clockwise, in fact. There were some bridges over on that side. I can picture the map in my head. We are waiting at our house for Jennie's friend to come around the island and then pick us up on the way, but she took the wrong ferry and was late and we were getting nervous we'd miss our flight. I can see the island as a sort of slightly raised map and the ferries and it's rather green. I am in our room packing and have piles of clothes all over. I am looking for one thing in particular and can't find it. Finally my mom shows up with a minivan and we decide to go with her instead. I get in and Josh isn't with me because he's coming separately somehow. We pull out, being followed by Josh or someone like my cousin, and mom gets stuck in a parking spot and ends up hitting the front of a car. It's a funny shaped, boxy one like the Renault Megane. She just pulls away even though I tell her she's left scratches on the car. ‘Well, do you want to be late?’ she says. The person behind us comments on this, disgustedly, when we get to the airport.

A bunch of people are in an open space with our rooms or apts around it. It's comfortable and colorful. It looks almost like mushroom houses like in the Smurfs. D and W from work are there and working on a drawing or something. D is playing practical jokes and he hides in my closet inside one of my coats and jumps out when I come near. I act startled but I knew he was in there all along.

31 January 2009: E-VISAS TO SYRIA
Josh, myself, my mother and two sisters are in another country. We each have one or two suitcases. We get to an opening between buildings, lots of fences, concrete, but not dirty or scary or unhappy. We go into an office and say we'd like to go over the border to Syria. The man looks at our passports and asks us if we got a chance to send an email about getting the e-visas and if we have a copy of the reply, which is the visa, apparently. [Not bad- visa by email!] We didn't and don't have a visa and ask if we can go in anyway. We are just going for a day or two, no longer. My mom is especially insistent on this. We have a place to stay that she has booked but only for one night, so it's important that we go for at least one night, but we won't stay much longer. The man lets us through and we are in the country illegally but unworried. We are in a no-mans-land between border control and fence and have to walk through some fences to actually
be in Syria, but we stop and open up our suitcases. We are thinking about just taking a bit of our stuff with us and leaving the rest in the larger suitcases in the fenced-in area since we will be back through in a few days.

2 February: I CAN JUST BARELY NOT REMEMBER
Apartment
Josh was there
Warm
Clothes maybe?

3 February 2009: A PURPLE WEDDING
We are in a service, like a church service. I sit with my family and there are the Nyenhuises, family friends, on the other side of the aisle. I am watching C the entire service for some reason. Then I discover it's because we are going to C and K's wedding. There are two of them, as if they need to get married in two countries. One is more typical and the other is more of a reception. K has on jeans and I am surprised that she'd wear that to the reception. We have breakfast as a group, then lunch and then we are all standing in a big room that is decorated. There is an open space in the middle and the bridesmaids walk in one at a time really slowly as if they are walking down the aisle, only it's just a reception with a dance floor... and it is all purple. EVERYthing is purple, the girl's dresses, any flowers, even the lights are purple and cast a purple light on everything so that when K walks in, she is purple, too. Then we move through some glass doors into the room next door for dinner. It's fajitas, of all things. My mom and Jane are talking about AIDS or something. And then they are talking about pregnancy.

6 February 2009: JOSH’S ATTEMPT TO KILL HIS KIDS
Josh wants to take his youth group on a high ropes course, only this is actually a boat rigging thing instead on a huge ship on the sea. He shows me what we call a ‘rigging board’ which is a 2’x4’ piece of ply or cardboard covered with pins and then string going from pin to pin in a complicated pattern. There are bits of tape on it, some coming like flags from the pins. It’s a diagram of either where the kids will be or move or what they have to do with their rigging.

Josh is debating about whether they should do a drill that will help them learn how to escape if the boat or ship is capsized or sinking but may be extremely dangerous. It could kill some of the kids, but we both think it’s important since it will help them learn what to do in a dangerous situation and is just a standard part of the training.

Then I am at work, Nappers. I’m putting up a new shelf for the magazines that M has been saving...

Then I am on my parents’ front porch. They want to see the work we do at Nappers, and I find an article about the office in Time magazine. The magazine article has lots of nice pictures of Napper projects, including some glossy, glassy new [reading this now I don’t know what that means, but I wrote it first thing in the morning] and some historic preservation. One project looks like an excavated city almost, with walls of red brick extending into the distance with no roof and a viewing platform. It is mildly reminiscent of the Albert Dock in Liverpool. Then there is a picture of some guys, probably my bosses sitting on the roof of a boxcar or a roof of a very narrow building that has just been finished with hot tar. They are lounging, dressed in jeans and tank tops or t-shirts and maybe drinking, not sure. I imagine someone fairly good-looking and medium-young slouching in an old wooden chair, hands resting on knees, like a model. I am somehow looking at the picture and in it at the same time.


9 February 2009: CERVEZA
Josh and I are in my grandparents’ living room, old set-up with the big wooden entertainment center (back when all they held were tvs) in front of the window. Two of my cousins are there with us.

We move to the kitchen, Josh goes somewhere else. The kitchen is set up similarly to theirs, but a bit narrower. It changes as the dream goes on- narrower, different cupboards... I look in the fridge for something to drink. It’s an under the counter one. I find a bottle of beer in it and wonder if it’s actually a freezer since it’s so small... The beer is in a half size bottle and the label is either Corona or Pacifico, so when Josh walks in I say that it’s cerveza and he goes to look for another one.

I notice that there’s a lemon or lime slice in it which means that it could be already open and maybe spoiled. The cap comes off like the metal caps come off milk bottles here in the UK. Josh finds a bottle of cerveza as well. [Good grief. Has this country really made me dream of alcohol too?]


12 February 2009: MEGAN MAKES THINGS
Shopping for a wedding dress, even though I was already married still. It was as if I was married, but wouldn’t be soon. Not that Josh was going to die or divorce me... just that I needed a new dress for another wedding. I considered wearing my old one and everyone thought that was a viable option....

Then we were decorating a door or something and it was me and Liz and I made our names and cut them out and was then writing a few words that described us that started with the same letter, like Energetic for Erin and Makes things (??) for Megan. [I’m nice and clever in my dreams.]...

11 February : NAPKIN HOLDERS AND DONUT BUILDINGS
I am driving around a foreign place, possibly with other people. It’s like a road trip. I run out of gas somewhere and have to call my friend Q on her mobile phone. She is a bit exasperated. While I am waiting for gas from somewhere or someone, I am in a donut shaped building, more oval than round, and the car can drive in and around the loop of the donut. In the middle there are some white napkins on a table and on shelves on the other side of the car are napkin holders. They are white and somewhat simple, one straight and one with scalloped edges and pin pricks like lace or a valentine. They are plastic-y and thin and triangular. I have absolutely no idea how they’ll hold napkins, yet I feel compelled to buy one. I show the two I am deciding between to Q when she shows up, and she has no preference. I take the scalloped edge one and leave some money on the center table as there is still no one around. The money I leave is dollars, not pounds.

13 February : MARIJUANA
I am part of a group of adults chaperoning a big teen event. I am standing outside with my mom.

Then we are in a kid’s room and there is marijuana being offered, although I think it is a granular substance, maybe a powder that is on a table. [Shows how much I know about that sort of thing.] I try to leave but am forcefully told to stay by one teen or he is forcefully against the marijuana, I am not sure. But he is apparently autistic. I have no idea why I know that or how it affects the story but it’s just something I know or suspect.

New scene: I have a gift hanging from the wall near my desk for Josh. It is a dark-colored, patterned umbrella. He comes in to see me and suspects it is a gift, but I put him off the scent by telling him it is not mine. Sneaky.

14 February: SUNSHINE
A group of us are at the zoo. D from work is there, as are Katie from elementary school and some other unrelated people. It’s a really nice zoo and I am in the water part with D looking at the fish. We go out to find some food and D is no longer part of the dream. Katie and others and I find a cafe in the zoo and find out it is closing at 3:15, which is ten minutes away, but the waitress will still serve us. We sit at a round table and ask for water. We then decide to move outside to eat at a picnic table. It’s a beautiful day. I have my back to the sun and my neck gets sunburned. Outside, each person gets a different meal in a big, thin, metal tray like a take away container. We peal back the tops and the child (??) and Katie have macaroni and cheese. We discuss that for a bit. There is a table not far away that is a ski school table and I think of fond memories sitting at lunch with my ski school kids.

17 February: HUGH GRANT AND THE DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
We are at the Hilton Islington [where we stayed while visiting Emma and Gerard two weeks ago]. Josh and someone else and I are having lunch with my boss, G. He is hesitant about lunch there for some reason. H from work is there too, but he leaves because he doesn’t want to spend the money. Then G is not G but the actor Hugh Grant. Hugh is very hesitant because this is partly where he filmed Notting Hill and he doesn’t want to be recognized. We go up to our room and it is three of us, all girls, I think, and Hugh. We have three rooms, an L-shaped room with a big telly, an office attached to this room with glass French doors and then a kitchen. There is no bedroom but the couch in front of the TV folds down, as does another in the other leg of the room.

I am discussing with someone, my sister Beth, I think, about dreaming about these three rooms and we think that we actually dreamed the same dream. We describe them to each other, but in the end, our dreams are slightly different. [I dreamed in my dream!]

Hugh goes out. No, maybe the third woman goes out, who has worked with him, as if she’s Julia Roberts but someone we know. Hugh is strangely uncomfortable. The maid knocks to clean. I am still in my robe and answer and tell her that we don’t need cleaning today. The neighbours, a woman and her two sons, peak in and says, ‘oh, you have the same room as us.’ But then she realizes that it’s different. She asks if they can come over because they are bored and don’t have a TV. We say no problem as they are a nice family, and they come sit on our couch. I tell them that I have just bought the box set to a television program that is a cross between the Drew Carey show and Family Guy. I think it is animated and the main character is a teenager or young man with a strange shaped head or jaw line. I can recall in the dream picking it out of a bin at the store. We put that in to watch. I think Hugh is still there.


19 February 2009: ORANGE CITY
I was in a minivan or large vehicle with a bunch of 20-something people. I kinda knew them, although not much. We were on a road trip or something. We drove into Minneapolis or Denver, I am not sure which one, just as the sun was rising or setting, and to our left was a tall building that sloped in the middle like a can that someone had squeezed and to the right was the city with tall buildings all bathed in an orange glow from the sun. I reached into my bag to find my camera and discovered I'd forgotten it. I think the girl next to me lent me hers. [Ironic, as all week this week I've been taking pictures for Josh's youth Toast Cafe.]

Then we are with Aunt M and Uncle D and maybe Grandpa and Grandma. They just got off a train trip or we were on a train trip and they were complaining about the food or something.

22 February: INTRIGUE WITH FORTUNE COOKIES
I am in transit or something. I have my stuff in boxes or wardrobe-like things. It's an action-type dream where some people, two women mostly, think I have something they want- about 20 or so tiny little slips of paper about the size of fortune cookie fortunes- but they need to pretend that they are interested in helping me, not in getting these little slips of paper. They also aren't sure I have them. I do, though. I think I find them somewhere in my stuff or some woman gives them to me for safe keeping since I have the greatest chance of escaping with them. I am changing clothes or searching through my suitcases or something. I try to figure out where to hide them. I consider cutting a slit in the top hem of my underwear and slipping them in the quarter inch there'd be there, but I think they'd discover the cut. Instead I somehow end up getting to the other woman who staples them together various in groups. Apparently on these little slips of paper are code words written in pencil. There is more action, but it takes place around Zeeland Christian School and the dead end roads around the back, where we used to hang out as part of Gateway church.

24 February: CAT DELIVERY
A cat we find and adopt has TWELVE kittens. And not only that, but the cat has them ON our bed, between our pillows. At some point in the dream, one of the kittens dies because there are so many, and my mother puts it on the kitchen counter. [This is the day after we met the fisherman's cabin cat in Seaham in real life.]

27 February: ZOO SALESMAN
My job is to walk up to people on the street or call by phone and sell season passes to the zoo. Josh and I eventually go to this zoo (I hadn’t yet been), and we have to buy insurance in order to enter it. The insurance just ends up being a headlamp. Also, as an activity you can shoot birds, each shot costs $100. We miss the train on the way back that was to leave at 5:04.

5 March: NOT THAT BLANKY
I see someone with my childhood 'blanky'. It is a ratty, pink blanket and looks just like the one I had growing up, which has gone missing. I go ask the person about it, and she (I think it is a girl, not woman) insists that it is hers.

16 March: FLYING DISTILLERY
I am with my parents and maybe sister, Jennie, and some others touring around somewhere. We walk past a very big stone building, dark grey and cave-like on our right. It just keeps going and eventually it turns to open air and we discover that it is a distillery. We are going to take the tour. It is huge, with massive copper stills. We are walking above them on metal grate catwalks, and I am alone on one when it suddenly gets lifted up very, very quickly about five stories into the air. I drop down to my stomach and lie on it so that I don't fall off when it flies up. Then it lowers again to a new position- right in front of everyone else, all of whom are fairly impressed I didn't fall off.

17 March: THE FLIRT
I take driving lessons in order to pass the UK test and the instructor flirts with me. He is a large man and looks like Jack Black. Later, Josh thinks this is funny. Then we are on a train and there’s the most beautiful mountain view with a turquoise lake out the window.

19 March 2009: DUCK ON DUCK
I am at an office, sorta like mine here, and we are looking out the window. I see a huge duck on the roof of a building across the street. It looks exactly like a sitting duck you get carved in wood or like those little pencil sharpeners we got from Grandma when we were little [and like the one I saw today at a second hand shop]. It starts to move up and I think it's standing up. Only instead of it's legs, I see another duck and the top duck is actually sitting on the back of another duck. It's not standing up... the bottom duck is. Then they get up and fly away and as they do, I see that the lower one has huge white peacock feathers under its belly. A female coworker (who doesn't exist) tells me that is an extremely rare breed of bird and I should consider myself fortunate. I do.