wilderness and space

This is kind of rambling post and could use to be edited down more but I don't have time for that... so forgive me. Also, this is primarily about me attempting to write about missing something from back home (some people miss Hersey's syrup... I miss the wilderness) and isn't an attempt to judge either America or England. Really... I just don't want anyone to take this the wrong way...

I miss the US, and I’m not quite sure why. In many ways life here in England feels similar to that in the US, despite the different speech patterns, cultural norms, and social priorities, it's still the same. There are still urban cent(e)r(e)s, small cities, small towns/villages (doesn’t ‘village’ sound much more quaint than ‘town.’ I grew up in a town that was quite small and in the middle of nowhere… but here my hometown of Reed City would just be another quaint village along the way), but there is something that I haven’t been able to put my finger on that feels fundamentally different, and it deals with space. I'm not talking about the physical size of things, which are often bigger in the US (houses, cars, portions) but moreso that the land itself is bigger and the space between cities and towns is often rather vast and open.
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England has been lived on and in for several millennia at this stage in history, most (if not all) of her natural forests have been cut down and replanted, to be cut down again. Villages dot the country side, as people live together in small tight-knit communities throughout most of the country, with mass transit connecting them to other villages and cities. In general it is this grid of connections, with cities and towns all connected and interjoined, that is fundamentally different from where I grew up, where there was a sizeable distance between me and... well, anything. I lived 15 miles away from a town that had a movie theatre, decent restaurants and the like. If you wanted to go to a dance club then you had to drive between 45 minutes for the local (crappy) club or 1 hour 15 minutes. Shopping centre and anything else like that? That was a 1.5 hour drive without traffic.

However, I lived 15 minutes from a national forest. It wasn’t hard to find a chunk of land and go for a walk and not see anyone all day. I lived 45 minutes from a gorgeous piece of lakeshore with some great hikes on it, also where you wouldn’t see anyone. Going off into the wilderness was something that while it didn’t happen that often was always part of my experience and self understanding. This feeling was further enhanced as I grew older and became interested in the outdoors. As I went climbing, hiking, camping, kayaking, and (to some extent) skiing I kept encountering more and more of America’s wilderness and loved it all. I fell in love with the idea that there is still something out there primordial and basic, something that can hurt you if you make a mistake… something raw.

Sometimes, though, this encounter with nature was more benign; when we were living in Colorado we drove for over an hour down a large highway without seeing a gas station. We got onto the road with a little bit under a quarter tank of gas and had less than a gallon left by the time we found a place. We had gotten desperate enough that we were going to stop by peoples' houses to ask to borrow fuel or a ride to get fuel. Now, that wasn’t fun at the time (middle of winter in the middle of an isolated mountain road in Colorado at 10,000 feet) but I liked that sense of adventure and unknown. That we were still little pieces moving through the vastness and power of nature and we should respect it properly. And this feeling, this sense of danger is what I miss.

England is a very nice country, it is very quaint, and there are most certainly rough and tumble sections of the country, but there is little real sense of wilderness here (nor do I expect there is throughout much of Europe). Its forests have been chopped, its animals live on the fringes of society, and in general, the land has been subdued through 1,000 years of war, development, conquest, empires, and domination. To some extent I even get that feeling from the weather; it never gets that cold or hot here... and I still take a secret joy in talking about the -30 degree days of my hometown (though i know I'm not supposed to feel that way, as it's mildly rude). I miss the sense that nature has a face (and not an overly kind one) and emotions and that it has more power than I do. It can be rough and beautiful, but it is very much alive and around. I miss that back home I could go out to places and not see a person or sign of a person for days on end…that I could get a glimpse of what the landscape and environment looked like before we came.

I honestly miss being in the middle of nowhere. I miss my small town and its proximity to nothing aside from trees. The wild coyotes that you could hear at night, seeing a bobcat’s prints not far from a campsite (a bobcat is the size of a normal large cat but can take down an adult deer!) in the summer, the reclusive bears that were still around, and the numerous deer and wild turkeys. I miss feeling like I’m part of nature… I missed it in New York, I missed it in Grand Rapids… but it is different somehow here. Before I could always drive to wilderness and be there in a day or so… but that’s not really an option anymore.

I don't think my experience was typical as more Americans live in urban centres or the glorious suburbs than in small towns. I don't think most people heard the coyotes howl at night, but it was part of my experience and part of what I understand the nature of America to be. The country itself (to say nothing of Americans' ethos and spirit) is one of wrestling and fighting with nature, of pioneering through harsh lands in pursuit of... something. And while that spirit certainly has gotten us into trouble in the past and may contribute to our unquenchable consumerism today, its part of how I understand myself. It just makes me sad sometimes that walking down the road will lead to another quaint village, past another nice grove of trees, to another cute pub... sometimes I just want to get chased by a bear.