Why we are doing this (according to Josh)

Journal Excerpt 2-2-07, Written in "Coffee and Tea", an aptly named coffee/tea bar at Winter Park.

So it was a cold and rainy December night (can you get more cliche than that?), and I'm standing in the back of a big yellow moving truck with only two thoughts running through my head: 1) How in the world did I get so much stuff? I live in less than 300 square feet for Pete's sake... and 2) Why am I doing this again?
Read the rest...

On December 23rd we moved; we packed all of our worldly possessions (at least those worthy to sit in storage for several years) into a truck and left our home of the last several years. We weren't moving for new jobs or new exciting prospects. We weren't moving to further our ambitions or careers. We were moving to take a break from everything and to spend the next nine months traveling, seeing the world and trying to meet some interesting people along the way. We left everything we knew, everything that was comfortable, to go look for something else, but why?

To start we've been talking about doing a big trip of some kind since we've been married, if not before. We have both traveled a decent amount on our own. We traveled while we were dating, and we traveled while we were engaged, and so the idea of a penultimate excursion seemed perfectly natural and fitting for who we are. This dream isn't something that we pined over during exams, reviews, and papers (though it did provide some relief from the work at hand) but was something we had begun passively planning at least since I started grad school. We actually kept a bulletin board in our kitchen with a map of the US on it. It had push pins in the places we would someday go and news clippings to inspire us for our mythical voyage. And while this trip was a dream of ours, that ultimately selfish motive wasn't enough of a reason to go. I guess if we were going to take some time "off", there needed to be something more substantial than "I want to go."

I think another factor in our decision to leave was an attempt to find each other after New York. We got married while Meg was in grad school and immediately before the start of mine, so our marriage (at least in the beginning) was built around the rhythms and routines of school. Staying up till 4:00 AM, having absolutely no money and little patience for each other were par for the course. On top of staying busy at school, we were doing it in one of the busiest cities in the world. We lived stressed lives at school, busy lives in the city, and then came home to such great amenities as our less than 300 square foot apt (for which we paid an amount equal to other people's mortgage on their houses). It's not that we didn't like the city, but just that living there and living the lives we did took its toll. We grew tired, annoyed, and mildly frustrated at things that sometimes seem trivial (reflecting the nature of New York stereotypes) and while we still were ourselves... we just were ourselves a little stressed most of the time. So one of the original reasons for this voyage was to spend time with each other and rediscover ourselves- not the worn-out phrase used by burned-out college students (I have my doubts about finding oneself in a far off land), but in a sense of finally being able to spend some quality time with one another and experience new things with one another. But this wasn't (I think) the most distinct reason why we left because there are other ways to enjoy each other's company that are much easier than taking 9 months and leaving.

Perhaps the most persuasive reason we left was because we wanted to stand for something other than the traditional myths and tales that make up the American social landscape. We live lives marked by 10 days off a year, a continual rat race to get further up the corporate ladder of success, and often we seem to cast our ambitions to the wind in search of comfort, stability, and material goods. Now, I'm not saying that those things are bad or that the American way of life isn't a good thing, but I do get frustrated that it is often viewed as the only thing, at least within broader American culture. Consequently, our choice to leave and to explore is a statement, to ourselves if no one else, that life is what we make of it and that we can do what we want if we choose to do so (realizing, of course, that this is a luxury/privilege that we do not deserve). When we told people we were leaving to go work at a ski resort and then travel, we would often get comments of "I wish I could do that." To which our response was (and is), "You can." We need to choose our lives and choose what is important (sometimes that's a stable job, sometimes that's leaving a stable job) and find joy and contentment in that. So we quit to remind ourselves that life is what we make of it. And so I think that's why we are doing this... at least in my head.

And now to go teach crying Suzie how to ski.