I've noticed that the English (to generalize) tend to use the word please more than Americans. Midwestern Americans and the famously hospitable southerners (to generalize further) are extremely polite and tend to over-use thank you and I'm sorry and yes, sir/ma'am. But aside from a childhood demand of "what's the magic word?", please is not nearly so popular.
For me, a midwestern American, a thank you is obligatory, but a please is optional if the request is spoken in a calm, polite and friendly way. In fact, something about a kind voice makes a please sound redundant to me. You throw it on the end or in the middle if it feels right with the sentence: ordering at a restaurant, maybe yes; asking your sister to pass the potatos, maybe no. I feel like here, if someone asks for something, anything, they say please at the end, even if (and this is not uncommon) the facial expression or tone of voice indicate no such nicety. And when responding, you throw it in there, too. If not, there might be trouble. (English trouble, which is really not trouble at all, but just a look- an evil eye meant to cause discomfort but not so much as to make a scene unless said eye is drunk.)
However, today I made a huge England faux pas at lunch, and after the woman asked me, "Who's next please?", I said, "Could I get the thai chicken on a wrap?" Even I felt the gaping hole at the end of that sentence, not that I could have missed it with the look she gave me. Seriously, the whole room slowed down waiting for the natural conclusion of my sentence that was never to come. It was as if all the cheer drained out of her face. And cheer in the service industry can be hard to come by over here.
For me, a midwestern American, a thank you is obligatory, but a please is optional if the request is spoken in a calm, polite and friendly way. In fact, something about a kind voice makes a please sound redundant to me. You throw it on the end or in the middle if it feels right with the sentence: ordering at a restaurant, maybe yes; asking your sister to pass the potatos, maybe no. I feel like here, if someone asks for something, anything, they say please at the end, even if (and this is not uncommon) the facial expression or tone of voice indicate no such nicety. And when responding, you throw it in there, too. If not, there might be trouble. (English trouble, which is really not trouble at all, but just a look- an evil eye meant to cause discomfort but not so much as to make a scene unless said eye is drunk.)
However, today I made a huge England faux pas at lunch, and after the woman asked me, "Who's next please?", I said, "Could I get the thai chicken on a wrap?" Even I felt the gaping hole at the end of that sentence, not that I could have missed it with the look she gave me. Seriously, the whole room slowed down waiting for the natural conclusion of my sentence that was never to come. It was as if all the cheer drained out of her face. And cheer in the service industry can be hard to come by over here.
Oops. And then it was too late, and I had to think fast to redeem myself. Luckily there're lots of chances:
"Marg or mayo?"
"Mayo, PLEASE."
"All the salad? (salad referring to all the extras- lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion...)"
"Yes, all of it, PLEASE."
By the end, her "twopoundfifty, please" had a luv on the end of it, and I knew I was in the clear. Thank goodness for that one. I like that place, and I've got just enough twisted English-ness in me to avoid it on the basis of taste. Their taste in me, not mine in them. I'd hate to have to face that look again.
"Marg or mayo?"
"Mayo, PLEASE."
"All the salad? (salad referring to all the extras- lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion...)"
"Yes, all of it, PLEASE."
By the end, her "twopoundfifty, please" had a luv on the end of it, and I knew I was in the clear. Thank goodness for that one. I like that place, and I've got just enough twisted English-ness in me to avoid it on the basis of taste. Their taste in me, not mine in them. I'd hate to have to face that look again.
...
Also today, they had "roast ox" flavo(u)red ch/crisps.
!!
I passed on those. No, thank you.
3 comments:
I have decided to instill the excessive use of "please" on my kids....maybe then I will hear it once and a while:)
Meg, do you remeber how our Scottish tour driver complained about this? We asked to stop so we could take pictures of a castle. We thanked him, again and again, but I still remember the speach about how rude Americans are, never saying please. I maintain that it isn't impolite just a different way of being polite. Our 'I'm asking nicely' word comes after the event rather than before.
I agree, Jen! And I do remember that... We were definately being polite in our book, but not necessarily in his. I do feel like it's sometimes more of a habit than actual etiquette here- a 'please' cannot over-ride a rude or demanding tone of voice for me- but probably it's mostly just my own cultural understanding of politeness!
Post a Comment