Life, Study, and Boundaries

Being a student is an odd thing, isn't it? I've been a student for 21 of my 28 years of life with a total of about three adult years where I was not in school, and I find that my understanding of boundaries and work is much more healthy than my understanding of them with school. In work, you show up, do what's needed for the job, and then go home (with some exceptions). Then at home you can rest, spend time with friends and family, watch a movie, cook food, go out, whatever. And I find that rarely do I feel guilty doing any of the above mentioned activities when I'm home. However being a student, or at least a (post)grad. student, is a different beast altogether where a sense of boundaries becomes... well murkier.
Read the rest...
As a student I feel a continual sense of guilt and obligation to study. It is as though my life is my study and that any time I am not in class should be directed (in some way, shape or form) towards the advancement of those academic goals. I feel obligated to stay up late and get up early, and, more importantly, any time I am not explicitly doing something else I feel I SHOULD be working. There is no boundary, there is no space for myself, and school quickly (and quite easily) slides into the rest of my life in ways that don't happen when I'm working. Additionally, I find it interesting that when I do take breaks from studying (to do the normal things that occur at home) they are done in weakness, due to an inability to continue my studies until I rest adequately. I rest because I need to and in doing so imply that if I were stronger, smarter, or better I would do nothing but school and continually revel in the work.

However, I find school often leaves me tired and worn out. It can be (and often is) a rather euphoric state of exhaustion (i.e. the feel that accompanies the end of a term when all the required work is done after several days/weeks of little sleep), but it is also a sense of utter collapse. It's obvious then that I need to draw clearer boundaries between myself and my work (or begin to draw boundaries at all) in ways that help foster my life in addition to my studies. But this idea, of boundaries, of not being consumed (in its positive and negative senses), isn't something that is fostered in the academy. We praise work-a-holics, the prolific publishers, and those who do nothing but revel in their nerd-dom by talking/thinking incessantly about their topic of interest. And I'm faced with the recognition that if that motivation is what it takes to be a good academic, I don't ever think I'll be one... or at least a good one.

With that in mind, let me say that someday I look forward to having a job, to having something that fosters balance in ways that a student's life does not for me... oh and someday it would be nice to see money coming into a bank account as well.