Tunnels and Transition

There is something bizarre about the end of an era, the moment where you see the end of the current phase of life and the beginning of the next. These moment are often odd times because you are(or at least I am) having to deal with present realities meanwhile looking ahead to what lies next.
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In the past, these moments have often been overwhelming-as the phases of life were large and all encompassing, i.e. college. But in shorter periods, or at least this present shorter period, the break feels quite manageable and almost comforting. College and Grad. school were such monolithic events that trying to figure out what to do after them was nearly incomprehensible (maybe that's why so many graduates spend the first several months in an utter state of limbo upon graduation. Or at least that's what it felt like to me...). Often these moments are so intense and encompassing that upon completing them and entering the space on the other side, there is a momentary pause as one(we, you, or I)tries to (re)evaluate the last several years of their life. On a personal level at least I remember the time right before the end, knowing that these moments wouldn't last, and seeing the light and the end of the tunnel and not being able to think anything other than "What do I do next?" But I think alot of that was due to the size of the era and a few months feel much different than a few years.

However after two months of work out in Colorado and the end of the season in sight I find the end of this phase a welcome event. And unlike previous moments, I find solace in the impermanence of this present phase (every phase of life is rather impermanent after all isn't it?). I think I am able to enjoy this phase because for one of the first times in my life I have a job that won't affect my future. I'm not going to do this again. I don't' need to impress the people here and at the end of the day the only person that really needs to be satisfied with my work is myself. (This is a rather new concept, for while I have always worked to the best of MY ability striving to do MY best there were always consequences, positive and negative, to my performance.)This job lets me work and find enjoyment in what I do because I know what I will (and will not) get out of it. It also lets me look to the future and find comfort in knowing that I will end well and enjoy the end. Its just relieving to finally have an end of something and to enjoy that end. It will be good to be done with this, its been good to be here and good to work for a season but I think I'm ready for a change... especially when that change is a five month trip to Asia followed by studying in the UK for a year. I don't know if any of this constitutes growing up or if its a wise move in the long run but it makes sense now and that's really all I have.